Polyamory, open relationships, exclusive relationships… The ways to describe romantic partnerships are multiplying, but what are young French people really looking for in their romantic relationships?
Behind the image of a sexually uninhibited generation, this Ifop survey for Nouslib paints a portrait of young people who are deeply committed to romantic partnerships, yet driven by desires that blithely transcend those boundaries: fantasizing about a coworker or neighbor, longing for an ex, imagining someone else during sex, or even looking elsewhere—these are the desires and fantasies that occupy young people’s minds.
Conducted among a representative national sample of 1,004 people aged 15 to 29, the study paints a picture of a generation that remains committed to romantic relationships but is clear-eyed about their fragility—and whose desires, clearly, refuse to stay confined. While exclusivity remains, on paper, a strong norm, it seems increasingly to be experienced as a conditional, negotiable framework, regularly put to the test by everyday temptations and the richness of the sexual imagination.
KEY FIGURES
- Desire in the office: a classic taboo… and a very male one
The workplace remains the primary setting for “forbidden” attractions: 46% of young workers admit to having been sexually attracted to a coworker at some point, and 18% to their supervisor.
But this attraction in the office remains primarily a male phenomenon: 56% of young men under 30 admit to having fantasized about a coworker, compared to 35% of young women. Similarly, 24% of men under 30 have been sexually attracted to their manager, compared to 12% of women the same age.
The same divide is found wherever desire creeps into everyday social interactions—a close friend of one’s spouse (43% of men vs. 23% of women), the neighborhood (39% vs. 13%)—outlining a geography of desire in which men, in their thoughts, cross all social boundaries.
- Same-sex desire: a fluidity that transcends the heterosexual norm, which is much more prevalent among women
Attraction to a person of the same sex, on the other hand, is significantly more common among women: 27% of young women under 30 admit to having been sexually attracted to another woman, which is twice the rate (14%) observed among men of the same age.
But it is in the gap between desire and actual experience that the real story unfolds. Among men, desire and experience coincide almost perfectly (14% attraction, 14% same-sex experience). Among women, desire (27%) far exceeds actual experience (18%): nearly one in ten young women feels an attraction to the same sex that she has never acted upon.
Female sexual fluidity, which is more readily acknowledged, remains in part a latent potential, whereas male homosexuality—which is less often discussed—is more directly translated into practice.
- Unspoken Fantasies: Two Forms of Shame
Two out of three men (67%) and more than one in two women (56%) admit they have not dared to share a sexual fantasy or desire with their partner.
When asked about the type of fantasy they’ve never dared to share, young people reveal highly sexualized imaginings. Sexual positions and practices dominate (22%), but are cited twice as often by men (29%) as by women (14%), as are oral sex (10% vs. 4%), anal sex (8% vs. 3%), and foot fetishism (7% vs. 1%). The ratio is reversed when it comes to BDSM: more women are interested (10% vs. 7%), particularly in submission and being dominated.
Above all, 35% of women flatly refuse to name their fantasies (compared to 21% of men). Two “economies of shame” emerge: men verbalize raw, physical desires; women oscillate between admitting to submission and absolute silence.
- A Frustrating Desire: The Fear of Judgment, a Male Burden
If these fantasies remain unspoken, it’s because they’re frightening: 57% of young people have already been surprised—or even unsettled—by their own desires, and a quarter have been frankly disturbed by them.
Counterintuitively, it is men who keep quiet the most (67% vs. 56%), fear their partner’s judgment the most (42% vs. 27%), and are the most unsettled by their own desires (61% vs. 53%).
Masculinity, supposed to be free and assertive, turns out to be the true psychological burden of fantasy: behind his outward confidence, the contemporary young man bears alone the weight of desires he considers shameful.
- The monogamous couple: a dominant but contested model
While the majority of Gen Z still adheres to exclusivity, cracks are appearing at a faster rate than among baby boomers: 36% of young people question the model of the exclusive couple (compared to 26% of baby boomers), and 22% consider it “outdated,” just like their elders.
This reevaluation is likely one of the study’s key findings: for more than a third of young people, exclusivity is no longer a given but has become one option among many—one that can be discussed, adapted, or compared to other ways of being in a relationship. Similarly, 31% refuse to view it as the only model capable of making them happy.
And among singles, 33% do not consider entering an exclusive relationship to be a priority in their current lives.
Far from a rejection of relationships, this shift reflects not so much a break with tradition as a renegotiation of its terms: people remain attached to the bond, but refuse to make it an unchangeable framework. Notably, young men are slightly more critical of the exclusive model than young women.
